Ever since I started blogging I have debated about how much to share here. It’s been a pretty constant dilemma for me, but especially in the past month or so. My 366 occasionally contains very personal photographs that may hint at what I am going through, but I have generally stayed away from sharing the extremely rough times here. However, with the new year, I have decided that perhaps my photographs will be more genuine if I also share the emotions behind them.
This photograph, although taken quickly at our family dinner this evening, has great importance for me. I didn’t think about the significance until I got home and saw the image on my computer, but it kind of speaks to where I am at right now. As I mentioned above, the past month has had me questioning what to share more than before. Even as I write this now I find myself hesitating and deleting things just to rewrite them again. You see dear readers, a little over a month ago I called off my engagement (and relationship). It was the most difficult decision I have ever had to make, and even though I know it was the right thing it has been an extremely difficult journey. It has taken a while for me to be able to handle questions about it, and to be able to openly talk about it, but I think I am finally there. So, back to the photograph at hand. For me, this is a reminder that it is a new year, and that there is light at the end of the tunnel so to speak; a glimmer of hope that is getting stronger.
I am currently reading a book that seems more like my diary written by someone else than just a book. The parallels between my life and the author’s life are amazing. And the range of emotions that have been brought on as I read are numerous as a result of all the similarities.
The book is titled My Berlin Kitchen, and is all about the author’s (Luisa Weiss) process of dealing with love, heartbreak, and homesickness through cooking. The relationships that we have had, and how they end is remarkably similar, as is how we deal with them. She also talks about the idea of being homesick no matter where she lived, and the constant pull to the different cities she had lived in (and even those she hadn’t), something I am constantly dealing with these days (and struggling with not having anyone that understood this). And, she mentions when she started her blog, and how it became such an outlet for her, which those of you who have followed me for a while know is also true for me.
The book has made me realize some things about myself, made me long for things even more than I was before, and helped me feel at ease about some things. All this and I’m only half way through. It has made me want to write more here on my blog, so I am going to try to follow through with that. I also have some plans in mind for after my 366, which I am already excited about. If you, my lovely readers, have anything you would be interested in hearing about, seeing, etc, please let me know; I would love to hear from all of you.
I hadn’t done a double exposure for my series for quiet a long time. And since I only have 2 weeks left in Minnesota at my parents’ house I thought it would be a good idea to get one with my mom’s garden before I move.
When it came time to shoot today’s picture I wanted something that would represent my day. Most days I don’t really care if my image sums up my day, but today I did. There were two main things I was trying to represent, but couldn’t figure out how to get both things across in one picture, or how to create an interesting picture of just one of them. I shot them separately, and wasn’t in love with them so I decided to combine them and ended up liking the result.
So, today is a pretty personal image, more for me than anything else.
I haven’t done a self-portrait in such a long time. Mostly because I have been lazy and uninspired. Today I finally had an idea I liked, but when I went out to shoot it I realized my hair isn’t long enough for what I had hoped to do. After messing around in photoshop quite a bit though I managed to turn it into something I think works.